Give War a Chance (P.J. O’Rourke, 1992)

ISBN 0-330-32536-1

What kind of a book is this? Well, in the maestro’s own words, "it’s a book about evil – evil ends, evil means, evil effects and causes" (p. xv). But this sounds too tame for P.J. No, wait:

"[I]t’s a book about evil – evil ends, evil means, evil effects and causes. In a compilation of modern journalism there’s nothing surprising about that. What does surprise me, on rereading these articles, is how much of the evil was authored or abetted by liberals."

Ah, this is getting better.

"Now liberals are people I had been accustomed to thinking of as daffy, not villainous. Getting their toes caught in their sandal straps, bumping their heads on wind chimes – how much trouble could they cause, even in a full-blown cultural-diversity frenzy. … But every iniquity in this book is traceable to bad thinking or bad government. And liberals have been vigorous cheerleaders for both." – p. xv

And so we’re off again, on another brilliant, funny, and yet ultimately tragic O’Rourkian examination of that proverbially paved road to hell. As you'd expect, he is as irreverent as usual, swiping at anyone who takes his fancy, from that tedious old fart, Hemingway ...

"Serious topics also make unimportant people feel as important as what they're discussing. Of course, it's necessary to make sure everyone understands how important the topic is. Hemingway was just a tourist watching Spaniards tease farm animals. But if he could make cattle-pestering a grand and tragic thing in the eyes of the public, he'd become grand and tragic too, because he'd been there while somebody did it." – p. 92

... via the tediously brainless ...

"[L]istening to Dr Westheimer's call-ins is awful but as compelling as eating Cheez Doodles – people with children who touch themselves, people who've never touched anything, wives who won't do something or won't stop, husbands who snooze in flagrante delicto, and teenagers thinking they can't get pregnant doing the only thing that can make them that way.

"It can be hard for those of us with SAT scores exceeding our golf handicaps to remember that ignorance is a renewable resource." – p. 139

... to the equally tedious, and vastly more sinister Kennedy family:

"Here ... is the fulsome scurvy truth: Old Joseph P. Kennedy was a liar and a greedy thief, an ignoramus, adulterer, vile anti-Semite, coward and pompous ass. His wife, Rose, was a frigid martinet.... They raised their nine whelps in an atmosphere of brutal pride and stupid competition. When the hapless Rosemary turned out to be retarded, they had her lobotomized and parked her with the nuns. The remaining eight turned out foolhardy, arrogant, unprincipled.... Two were shot, but under the most romantic circumstances and not, as might have been hoped, after due process of law." – p. 160-161

The man is hilarious. But there's always a more serious undertone. For example, O'Rourke continues on from his Hemingway diversion thus:

"Seriousness lends force to bad arguments. If a person is earnest enough about what he says, he must have some point. There's a movement in some of our school systems to give creationists equal time in science class. Man was plopped down on earth the week before last, is one rib short on the left, and because silly people are serious about this so are we." – p. 92

Evidently Jimmy Carter, the former US president, and his wife Rosalynn, have written a book called Everything to Gain. In something of a diversion from his usual fare, O'Rourke reviews it. But, as you'd expect, the review is somewhat ... colourful:

"I don't know what the hell the book's about. I mean, I read it and everything, but I haven't got the faintest idea. It just sounded like a couple of prissy old ratchet-jaw hicks yammering away about nothing until you wanted to stuff them headfirst through the outhouse seat." – p. 157

There are some straight pieces, too, or as straight as this man gets. For example, the final few chapters comprise his 1990/91 Gulf War dispatches. O'Rourke's research is ... er ... selective. You wouldn't think you knew all sides of an issue having read one of his essays. Nevertheless, some of it is quite compelling, such as his interview with Le Dang Doanh, Director of the Central Institute of Economic Management in Saigon:

"Mr Le said that in 1989 state-controlled markets were selling rice for 50 dong a kilo. When price restrictions were lifted the price increased by more than 1200 percent. ... 'In one year rice production increased by one million metric tons,' said Mr Le. Vietnam, which had formerly needed to import 500,000 metric tons of rice a year, now exports 1.4 million. 'Production increased and consumption fell,' said Mr Le. But, I asked, does that mean people are going hungry? 'Ha!' said Mr Le. 'They used to stand in line to buy rice for pigs. It was cheaper than pig food.'" – p. 83

Right near the middle of the book, page 103 in my copy, is the chapter called Fiddling While Africa Starves. Here he reprises a theme from his excellent All the Trouble in the World, executing a hatchet-job on the Live Aid fad in passing. This is O'Rourke at his most serious, and his best, and these four short pages are worth the price of the book alone.

Recommendation: Recommended.

Look and Feel: My edition is the usual matt-finish paperback.

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